“You wanted the cake but ended up with a guilt trip instead.”
3 reasons why men watch porn. Should women worry?
Being in my 40’s now I find porn… well kind of boring. And it’s not that my libidos’ waning either- not at all. In terms of libido, I’d say, things are actually quite the opposite. However, …. when it comes to porn, it’s lost its appeal to me. I’ve become kind of indifferent to it.
When I was in my 20s though, my first partner loved watching it and I garnered some pretty useful tips! Occasionally I watched it with him and also got some tips and tricks of what he might like too. Things that we could try together etc. (Even more surprisingly for myself considering my religious background). My girlfriends were shocked. “If he watches porn, then he is not really satisfied with you, is he?” they chimed. C’mon-Really?
Sara Hunter Murrey, the author of “Not Always in the Mood” is convinced that if a woman asks the following questions then she is on excellent track to connect with her partner!
● Does my boyfriend/husband watch porn?
● If he does, then which type?
● Does he watch porn when I’m at home?
● Would he like to do those things with me?
● Or with porn actress?
If a woman is interested in a man’s sexual preferences, then there is a good chance that their relationship will thrive.
Almost all men watch porn. Some more, some less. Some adore it; others are indifferent.
The main question is not whether your partner watches porn or not, but what role it plays in your relationship.
It’s common to sensationalize porn: “After all it gets gazillions of views!” Unwittingly it has created the impression among men that it is an essential baseline for their sex life.
However, when talking openly and honestly with men about sex and desire, most don’t even mention porn. Murrey soon discovered it was a non-issue for most. She started to clarify when talking about sex: “What about porn?” to which she received an unexpected response: “Yes, I do watch it sometimes, but what’s the connection with sexual desire? Porn is just porn!”.
The fact is that for the majority of men, porn doesn’t play a significant role.
There are millions of reasons to watch porn: relieve sexual tension, entertainment, relieve boredom, the thrill of fantasy, exploring desires… And to masturbate while watching porn is all the merrier!
Porn, however, is an addition but not a substitute for sex. Men stressed to Murrey that if asked to choose between porn and sex, they’ll always choose sex.
“Sex is always better. It’s more emotional and pleasant”.
“There is a real world and an imaginary one. I prefer reality”.
“It’s the equivalent of watching a video of someone’s vacation or going on the trip yourself.”
Porn gives short-term relief but doesn’t satisfy the thirst for sex. If there’s a need for sex, porn always has a bitter aftertaste. It is the same as eating chocolate cake when you have depression, compares Murrey, “ You knew you wanted the cake but ended up with a heavy heart”.
Let’s look into some women’s questions regarding porn that men watch.
“Why would he need porn if he has me?”
If sex is already good why would men need to watch porn? Even if it’s only occasionally or he’s got a wife or a girlfriend? There are different reasons to explain this:
● Sex is not always available. Sometimes your partner is not in the mood, another time she refuses, or she’s not at home for a long time. No single couple has a complete match in terms of desire. Porn helps to get some relief in this case.
● Sometimes laziness and lack of energy. Good sex requires time, effort, mutual concession. There’s no strength for this at times, neither physical nor mental. Sometimes it’s just easier to turn to a beautiful image and do everything with your own hands.
Sarah Murrey compares this with a family dinner which, by all means, is a beautiful tradition, but one can get tired of cooking, especially if the wife is a vegetarian and the husband likes meat. Sometimes it’s nice to order in your choice of pizza and dine solo.
● Stress Avoidance. Sometimes sex not only requires effort but is also a great source of stress, especially for men who like to put women’s enjoyment first. He may feel he is required to first seduce and then figure out exactly what she likes. Talk about pressure!
If it seems like too much effort, some men will just turn to porn instead — No need to worry about fulfilling the woman’s desires, simple and easy!
The question is how often porn is really better than sex?
If a woman never wants it, and the man feels lazy and considers sex a constant source of stress, porn can serve as solace and an outlet.
But let’s not lay the blame at porn’s feet here; it is not a reason but a symptom of some other sexual dilemma. In this case, a good old calm conversation always helps to resolve the situation.
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